The last ten months of my life

I`m back in Norway for the summer. I´ve already cried quite a few tears, desiring to be back in L.A. At the same time, it is a gift to be able to spend mornings with my mom, long afternoons with friends, playing with an almost three year old nephew, and working with my sisters...

Summer evenings over here have it´s own feel. It´s light out till midnight, and the evening sky looks pink. Then there's the fresh fragrance of dark green grass and fields.  Last time I was in Norway was ten months ago. I guess that is why I´ve been in deep reflection mode these past days. Reflecting on all that has happened since last summer.

The last 10 months have been cray-zay! Probably the most eventful months ever. It started off not so good though. I almost made a life-transforming decision. Have you ever almost been in a car accident? The visions of the disaster that could have happened flashes in your head, again and again in the days and weeks after. That´s how I´ve felt about certain paths I almost went on. You probably know the feeling of overtaking relief when you again wake to find out the disaster din't happen! But also,  times of madness in the mind when trying to figure out how on earth you could have almost trapped yourself like that. In those moments, God´s quieted my mind, hushed his little girl and asked me for nothing but my thankfulness. And thankful, that I am.

In a deeper level than ever, I have learnt that God saves and pulls us out - always. Even when it´s  our own foolishness that is the cause of the issue. Maybe especially then. I´ve also learnt (re-learnt...) that when we dare to close doors out of trust in God, no matter how bad we feel for doing so - He opens new ones. Better and grander ones. We won´t ever regret listening to his guidance.


So, thank you daddy for faithfully opening my eyes so I don´t go astray. And when I do...You call me back into the things you have for me. Thank you for the present and the future you´ve called me to,  and thank you for placing so many awesome people in my path. People I adore and who are doers, dreamers and strong in their faith <3 I am blessed, and your ways are GOOD!

I love life, yall!!

Love that destroys darkness

His name is Spencer. I met him at the make up store Sephora when I was waiting for my friend. We were gonna have coffee, it was a misunderstanding, so she never showed up. But I was okay with that, cause I had fun getting to know Spencer as he helped me put on new make up. That´s how it works here in the US at make up stores. It´s a special treat, every time. Spencer is gay. His boyfriend over 4 years died. Spencer loves make up and clothes and lots of other awesome things. We laughed and joked, but the whole time I felt like God said: "You need to pray for his mom, cause she is sick."

When he was done beautifying me, I got scared. I hesitated before I finally said: "This might be a bit personal, but I am a Christian..." and that´s as far as I got  before I could see his walls come up. Not too strange, as a lot of homosexuals have been hurt by the church. But I continued: "I like to pray for people, and I was wondering if anyone is sick or something? Is there anything I can be praying for?!" Spencer´s eyes teared up. I could tell his walls came back down. Probably cause he saw the love, and not any judgement. "This is crazy" he responded. "It would be wonderful if you can pray. My mom has cancer and is supposed to go in for treatment again this week." I teared up too and almost shouted "You´re not gonna believe this, but I already knew it was her I needed to pray for. God spoke to me, and he wants to heal her!  He wouldn´t have told me unless that´s what he wants! He obviously loves you both a lot!" We were both standing there wiping tears, and I let him know that I would pray for her every day from then on.  We hugged and then I walked out.

But no more then 4 days later, I got the text: "Thank you for your prayers! New tests show that she is healed. Doctors say not to worry!"

 WOW! JESUS IS ALIVE FOLKS! HE STILL HEALS AND HE LOVES PEOPLE!

Thank you to everyone who prayed for Spencer´s mom. And let´s be bold  when God gives us words of knowledge. Let´s WRECK the people "we"- the church have hurt with the extravagant love of God. I am not interested in a political debate. But I will say this:  Being homosexual is not gonna send a person to hell. That would be the same thing as saying that being straight is my passport to heaven! From what I can see in the Bible, ONLY self righteousness, denying the need for Jesus Christ as savior will keep people from an eternity in Heaven. I´m as much of a sinner as anyone.  And if you who read this is gay, let me tell you this: You are a treasure and soo loved. God sees you and the hurts you´ve experienced. I am so sorry for how you´ve been treated. God is WILD about you and want you to get to know him. That´s where you can start; getting to know him :)

Love Nova, on behalf of Jesus Christ

Trust

It's one of those nights. I should have gone to bed long time ago. I have spent the last two nights in Hollywood with some good friends. And now I am like a little emo chick. Saying goodbye to people before leaving for Norway in four days kinda freak me out. I am hit by lonely feelings right now, and I haven't even left yet. I'm usually good at living in the present. Little miss independent who don't really miss people that much. I must have changed. Something has changed. Don't misunderstand: I am looking forward to seeing my other friends in Norway. I am looking forward to seeing my family! Of course! But it still feels like I am leaving home when I leave L.A. And I feel scared. Scared of missing out. Scared of not being able to not get back into the country when I fly back. I have had such good days these past days. Really. But now. I am just sad and full of weird emotions.

Good things: I have had such RICH time with people these past days. And the other day I was surprised with balloons and a very loving note from some secret messengers. I am truly blown away by the awesome friends I have. I have new headphones that my friend Rho blessed me with. I am buying a midi keyboard for logic pro when I get back to Norway. I will get some help from Ben with shopping for more needed music equipment before I go. I live in 2012 and communication over internet across the ocean is easy.  I will get another studio sess with some talented people here before I fly to Norway. Wow. I am so thankful!

Ben and Nova

The talented and awesome Ben! A very humble person though he's working with many of the biggest names now a days. Respect.

RHO, my rapping, talented Jesus loving soul sister. We have such a cool friendship, where prayer and conversation  with God as we're living life is the most natural thing ever. I grow closer to God with this friend!

Myself at my new fav coffee shop in Hollywood with Rho.

Jessica and myself at Aroma and Sun cafe. Jessica...The real and sweet, generous, super funny, always God seeking, always loving, always daring to be transparent in order to set others free... I love this woman so much! And the bag underneath, she ordered it for me. Just because! 

Sneaky ladies watching the waitress pick up the tip we gave her. She needed an extra blessing since people had been mean to her all night.

But maybe it's because I have so many things to be thankful for that I also have sad feelings. I know it all comes down to trust.  Trust in God.  Complete trust. It's always the key, and always the hardest one in a practical sense. I know that God's got it all, and all I need to do is surrender. But right now. It's so many things hanging in the air and I feel stressed.

So God. Hold me. Hold me and help me. Cause as real and amazing the gift of faith you have given me is, I realize that loosing control, like right now, is harder than I thought it was gonna be.


Prov 3: 5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

exposure of lies. Naked truths.

I went into the store. Looked at all the beautiful dresses. The colors and fabrics, the earrings and the shoes. Oh, the shoes!! High heels, shimmering leather, golden straps. "Do you need any help today miss?" The sweet boy beside me were standing with his hands folded up to his face. Wow, his eye brows were  perfectly shaped. Hm. Should I make mine a bit thicker again? Is that the new thing? "Ehm, I need a dress. I´ll be attending  a wedding..." His eyes looked me up and down. All of a sudden I felt a bit insecure. With my rolled up retro looking shorts and converse, I didn´t feel as attractive anymore. What was I thinking? And no one in Hollywood would understand that a silver sequence tractor  is cool! (it´s moods of Norway, not moods of L.A, right?!) He found a few dresses for me, and into the dressing room it went.  Wow, I looked so tall in these heels! And that color, it´s really complementary to my skin. I felt stunning! An older lady stared at me when I came out, before she turned and kept speaking in french to her friend. No approving nod from her. I know I have never looked skinnier, yet...Is that a little bump on my stomach? Right there? The sweet boy came around, "What do you think Nova?" People in the U.S are so good at using names. It makes it feel like even someone you´ve never met before is a friend. "I don´t know" I said. Well the truth was I thought looked beautiful, until the diamond covered french lady didn´t smile to me. "I mean, I like the color, but maybe I´m not skinny enough!" I couldn´t believe I actually said those words. I didn´t even know the guy. But he didn´t smile to me either, he just politely but toneless said "Noo, it looks fine" FINE? That´s not good.  Here I was, fitting an XS dress, and it still wasn´t good enough in the eyes of these people. I went back into the fitting room. Stepped down from the high heels and back into my converse and silver tractor shirt.

"Bye now!" the cute gay guy said. Sexy chick was playing loudly over the speakers. "Yes I can see ya, everyone in here wanna be ya, yeah she´s a diva..." That  was not me. That was for sure. Never will it be me either.

A few hours later. I was in Santa Monica at  Models for Christ (http://www.modelsforchrist.com/) surrounded by beautiful, tall people. The insecurities didn´t stop. Why was I even there? I`m not a model! "If I can just find something wise to say, then I will feel better! It´s easy for me to find something clever to say. I´m good with words!" (How quick a moment of insecurities can lead to arrogance in other areas when you´re not guarding your heart, right?!) But though surrounded by friends, I still was shaking on the inside when I opened my mouth. Of course they would all turn and look at me when I spoke up.  "Ugh. Don´t look at me!!" I screamed inside my own head.

The Bible Study was on Jonah this time. And being in a room where everyone have been confronted by their own looks, it became a topic how Jonah must have felt when he entered the great city of Nineveh after having been inside a fish for 3 days. Bad smelling. Pale. We all laughed. None of us would bring a message from God to anyone without looking perfect! This lead to that one of the girls who had been in the industry for years was sharing about how fitting sessions for models were the worst. The models would always get comments like "You look fat!" Or "You´ve gained 5 pounds over the weekend!" Then they would have to wipe off each other´s make up and tears.  After she was done sharing, two of the guys in Models for Christ spoke up. With fierce anger, they said "Who are these people to tell anyone that they´re too big? Or not good enough?" The words were so simple. And lasted only a few moments. But they created something lasting. One of these guys had been a fashion photographer for years, and had probably seen as much beauty as one man can possibly see in a lifetime. And perhaps that´s why, that somehow, while he was speaking, I felt healing come into my heart. And into the room.

He was right. Who are these people to say this or that? There was not ONE over weight person in the room . Looking around was like peaking into a beauty magazine. The man sitting next to me had his nice suit on and I felt so intimidated I just wanted to vanish. Yet he was the one who honored me by not looking me up and down, and offered to share his Bible with me during the study. A room full of perfection. And  room full of hurts. Hurts that were never supposed to have been there. So when the men in the room stood up and spoke on behalf of true beauty, the darkness and the lies were confronted and lost it´s power.

Cause here´s the thing, Beautiful one. Yes you! You who are reading this right now. It is not a coincidence that you are reading this. It is only out of obedience to God that I dare to be this open and honest. I would like everyone to think that I am as secure as can be. But one man once told me that I would be way more attractive if I was just a bit more confident. One man! And after that, I made dead sure that no one could tell me that I have insecurities. In that moment I made that man a god.  A girl once said my shoulders were too small. After that, I would feel ashamed every time I revealed my shoulders. And that girl became my god. A man I was preaching the gospel to said he hated fat girls. They were ugly! I immediately felt like I had to measure up to what this man thought was beautiful, so when he was attracted to me and wanted to have sex with me, I for a few moments felt good enough. I didn´t give him what belongs to my future husband. Praise God for giving me the strength. But I still gave some of myself. And in those moments, I traded God for this man´s approval. Then for the next weeks, I couldn´t eat well. I had to maintain what was beautiful in the eyes of someone who I knew had a distorted view of women. (Ironically, this man had always felt insecure for being too skinny, and was hurt by comments throughout his life. Therefore it´s likely that in order to not feel ugly, he would only be with skinny women.) Now see why It´s good to have one God? And let God be Lord of your life? Cause when we don´t....Anything, or anyone can get that type of power and authority over us.


May I propose to you, beautiful one, whether you are a man or a woman. That you were created with purpose. A purpose to belong to a God who is good. The creator of all varieties of beauty! And may I propose that you are worthy. You are planned! Down to every detail. I am also a firm believer that Jesus is jealous for you. So jealous for you that he doesn´t want to share you with a spouse who is not going to love you with the love of Christ. Self sacrificing, patient, honoring, fighting-for-you LOVE. And that this person, will think you are perfect. Perfectly imperfect. But even if you and I never live to see the day where we meet this special someone. Jesus Christ says: "You are beautiful. I died for you. When everyone else turned their backs on you, I saw beauty in you! When others rejected you, I called you mine."

When we belong to someone like that. Like Jesus. Then how can we ever feel not good enough? Not pretty enough? Skinny enough? When we belong, and have our identity in who we belong to, what this world says is good and wonderful and worthy...becomes wrong. Cause it is. Wrong.

Take a moment, listen to this song. Repentance have become such a bad word in our culture. But I want to encourage you to repent. Cause it simply means to turn away from! So dear one, repent from making anything and anyone god, rather than your good, awesome, loving savior Jesus Christ. It is not too late. He has a plan for you, and you are MADE for adventure with the almighty God of the universe. If that doesn´t make you feel worthy and beautiful...then what ever will? God bless you, and WELCOME to a new day, new life, and an eternity with the King.

PS... I went back and the lovely Vicky. S helped me this time. And guess what...  I got the dress...And the shoes were 40 % off. Only my size, and only the color I had been wanting to get. THAT was pretty cool. THANK you God!

http://www.modelsforchrist.com/

Reverse the negative

You think I´m judging you. You see the Bible on the table  where I´m sitting and overhear me say something about God. It gives you chills and you just wanna yell at me. Your thoughts go back to the pastor who once told you that you were going to hell. To the prophet who said you were demon possessed. To the girl who said your mom didn´t get healed of cancer cause she didn´t have enough faith.

Who cries louder? You? Or God.  Perhaps your tears come from the same wound.

I wish I could take back all those things people said to you. Or maybe more importantly. How they said it.  But as much as I can´t judge you, I can´t judge them either. That´s where it gets tricky. Christians are in need of as much grace and mercy as we have claimed that you are. Believers have as much darkness that needs healing and forgiveness as you.

Don´t let the wounds you have received stop you from a relationship with the almighty, loving God of the universe! He truly is good. He truly is the truth. I recommend him, and I also recommend forgiving the Christians who hurt you. No one is perfect. Except for Jesus :)  That´s no excuse for me to be reckless and stupid though. That I am forgiven doesn´t mean I shouldn´t want to become more holy. But don´t get me wrong. None of my "good deeds" will get me to Heaven. I am not becoming more holy for my own salvation. Jesus already paid for me! I am free! Forgiven! Saved! Christians are supposed to be more Christlike so that YOU can see him through us and want that same redemption. And perhaps. When you give your life to Christ. You can commit to be extra loving towards others, in those areas where you wish believers had showed you Christ.

I wanna lay hands on your wounds  so you can receive healing.
I wanna listen to your story, rather than tell you mine.
I wanna tell you there´s forgiveness, where you feel shameful.
I wanna cry with you, where people made you feel stupid.
I wanna reveal to you my struggles, so you can know you´re not alone.

Let´s represent him, the best that we can, with all our flaws. Together. 

What they say

They say you don´t exist.

I remember one time I was on the bus with a classmate. He was wondering how I could believe in a god when science have come so far. I asked if he believed his cell phone could have developed over thousands of years, starting with nothing but a grain of sand. "Of course not," he answered. "So there was person with a brain that developed the vision to create it?" "Yes" "Then how can the universe that is much more complex have become what it is out of nothing?" He shook his head. "Oh stop it! You can´t compare that!"

But why can´t it be compared? God. They say it´s stupid to believe that an iphone or a mac book was a result of chance. But us? The most complex machinery, we were a result of... nothing? Developed from nothing? God. It saddens me. It frustrates me. But no matter what I say, or how I say it. They. Don´t.  Believe. In. You.

Perhaps. Just perhaps! Is it that they don´t want to believe. Cause if they do... It means that everything changes. If you are real, they will have to accept that you really are who you say you are. Almighty. God. Creator. All powerful And that they owe everything to you. Including their own lives.

If they only knew... That you are good. And that despite their shortcomings. You decided to give your life for them instead. Though they owe it all to you. You gave that all on their behalf. All they now how to do. Is believe.

Romans 5: 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Comparison and fear vs. truth

No one can be me. Except for me. So why compare myself to others? On thursday april 26nd I will have another amazing opportunity. I'll be in studio with people who really know what they're doing and have been working with amazing artists. Therefore, today I started crying, cause all of a sudden, instead of feeling thankful for this favor, I got scared. Those of you who know me, know that my faith level is usually higher than the fear level. But today...that was not the case. "I don't have Beyonce's voice! I don't look like her either. And Demi Lovato, she's so young. Maybe I am getting too old God!!"


Then God spoke to my heart again. "Daughter! What if those girls compared themselves and got too scared to grab the opportunities given them? They wouldn't be where they're at today! And what if you can be a blessing to the people that I am letting you encounter! Would that be enough for you? You've asked me to be a blessing to people with influence. And here I am letting you encounter people who have big names! If you don't walk in faith now, you're robbing them of a glimpse of me that only you can show them." I smiled. And surrendered. Again. Cause it is very hard to say no to my very good daddy in Heaven. He is giving me favor, and as I walk through all these open doors ahead of me, not only will I thank him, but I will be love and light to the people he has put in my path.

So here I am telling you this: No one can be you! Except for you. So why compare yourself to others? This world, and the people God is putting in your life need YOU. You bring a flavor of Heaven that only you can bring. So bring it. And do not fear. God's got your back, and he will not stop until your calling here is done. So please,  don't you stop either :)